The Mother's Prayer for its Daughter

So, since I seem to be struggling with my blog post on the Bones and Castle season finales (yeah, I just cannot seem to decide how I feel about it!), I wanted to give my sisters something to read, and I thought they would appreciate this:

The Mother's Prayer for its Daughter

Tina Fey

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. 

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty. 

When the Crystal Meth is offered, 

May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half 

And stick with Beer. 

Guide her, protect her 

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age. 

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. 

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes

And not have to wear high heels. 

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit. 

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers. 

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. 

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, 

For Childhood is short -- a Tiger Flower blooming 

Magenta for one day -- 

And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait. 

O Lord, break the Internet forever, 

That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers 

And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed. 

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, 

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, 

For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it. 

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, 

That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. 

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. 

“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget. 

But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. 

Amen.

THE Plan

This morning started off as planned.  Well, maybe a bit earlier than planned..  like 6am early!    I totally blame it on the sun that shines through my bedroom window and lands directly on my face!  It’s a good thing I am a restless sleeper, or I would be walking around half tanned from the nose up (cos from the nose down I am ALWAYS covered in blankets – actually in winter, my nose is the only part of my body that sticks out from under the covers!  It’s quite a talent actually)

Anyway, the plan was to get myself up, get the kids up, get everyone dressed and fed, go fetch Miss Daisy (um.. I mean Pet), bring her back to my place, get the kids occupied in another room and watch Bones.  THE episode of Bones!  It was all going as planned until we got back to my place and my 4 year old decided to attach himself to my leg.  Yep, kid radar – seriously, any other day of the week they are quite happy to occupy themselves with blocks, puzzles or the Little Einsteins so that I can get some work done, before taking them out to various activities.  This morning, however, my son was not having any of it!  So, we had to find a plan B (something we had not prepared for!). When my hubby phoned and said he was finished work early (sweet as!), plan B was in motion!  Hubby would come home, take the kids out and we could watch Bones!  THE episode of Bones! 

Unfortunately, the kids were not having any of that either!  Now they decided that they wanted to relax a bit at home, in the lounge, with the TV (yeah, all that hanging on my leg must have tired them out), so we found ourselves in desperate need of a plan C!   So, after a bit of frantic brainstorming, we came up with a brilliant idea: phone Mom!  Long story, and long phone call, short – we left the kidlets with my hubby and ran over to Mom’s place armed with THE episode of Bones!

I really, really enjoyed this episode!  I absolutely love Arnold Vosloo (Howzit Boet!)  Loved the return of pre-Hannah Booth, loved the English Squintern, loved Angela – hell, I even liked Hodgins in this one!  In the scene where Boetie was selecting his next victim, and all the squints were shown as possible targets, Mom, Pet and I were selecting which ones we loved, and which ones we could probably do without!  Mom decided Cam could go, Pet was busy eating the niknaks (cos she knew, as did I, who was going to be taking a dirt nap pretty soon) and I was all “nooo, he/she can’t die, I love her/him!"  Eventually mom pointed out that I seem to love all of them – I think, in a way, she called me a Bones-whore!  If the k-swiss fits huh?

Anyway, I did expect a leeetle bit more from the bed scene – but I am not disappointed!  However, my Hodgins love only lasted until he interrupted Bones just as she was about to tell Angela what exactly happened after she “crawled into bed with Booth!”  Asshole!  But, I like that we don’t know!  I like that we are kept guessing and this leaves room for the writers to have us searching for moments in future episodes!  My Bones love is back baby!  

Pet firmly believes that they did the dirty, but I am still on the fence on this!   I kind of hope they didn’t, and that this was just the first step to getting closer, to ‘feeling’ their way and that, in the next season (or episode) we get some on-screen sex.  Yes, I am shameless!  Although, I did enjoy the X-Files guessing game.  Searching for all possible clues and moments after ‘All Things’, which is the episode that most X-Philes believe to be the ONE!  Looking forward to more Bones moments!

D

Abandon Ship

Yup they did it, they sank the Murdoch Mysteries ship, unfortunately instead of going down in a blaze of glory, it went down with a pitiful predictable whimper. Judging by the reaction of the fans world wide… I’m not holding out hope for a season 5, and even if there was one most of them won’t be watching.

Stupid move on TPB when you think about it, because the series may be done on Alibi, and all the European fans are up in arms and will probably have the next 9 or so months to calm down, but it has not even started airing in Canada, CityTV could not fit it in until around May 31’st .

I seriously doubt even the most die hard spoiler virgin has remained spoiler free, especially considering that the board on both Alibi’s webpage and MurdochMystery fan forums have exploded with bitter disappointment and defeat.

So to be honest if it were me I would not even bother watching it. I know I am not even slightly tempted to watch the last episode, which should tell you something. (being as I am the one that had to go through the whole Hannah crap on Bones – talk about pain and frustration--) and what is that going to do for the ratings? Bupkiss!

So this is me, standing to attention, hand firmly raised in salute, dress whites all clean and shiny. While the lone bugler plays The Last Post for the fallen shippers who are as we speak going down with that ship.  (yeah dude not me, I’m the guy in the life boat named Booth/Brennan’ Seawater does not go well with my outfit.)

As for the whole "people will loose interest in the show once they are married", yanking out that old battered and very smelly “Moonlighting Curse”. I have already given my opinion on that, however I might point out, I own all the DVD’s for Moonlighting, I watched the show at the time, I shipped the show and I have watched the re-runs, and the reason why the show died had absolutely nothing to do with the relationship and everything to do with the fact that Cybil Sheppard was pregnant with twins, Bruce Willis was hitting Hollywood movie stardom and the writers kept breaking them up or denying the relationship even existed.  The never did try and figure out how to make things work between them.

This would not have happened in MM, because there were so many avenues to explore, so many emotional moments to mine, marriage in the 1890’S was forever, there was no getting out of it, no getting a quick divorce and on to the next. 

The cultural and social differences between William and Julia would have been a huge problem for them to work through, She’d have to learn to cook (and I could just imagine the neat y incision on the Sunday roast!), he would have to learn to bend his ridged ways a lot to make her happy, and they both would have a lot of fun learning how to be a couple. What a lot of cowards the writers are that could not see the many many possibilities in that union.

So CC, you fucked up big time, see you failed to realize that the shippers are the ones that sell the show, yeah we are mostly women, but we are the ones in charge of the TV remote!! 

While our husbands/boyfriends/just friends would rather be watching how to build a supersonic toilet flusher/buttwiper or some sport channel, it’s the shippers that make them sit through another episode of Murdoch Mysteries every week.

And while you might think after 9 or 10 months to calm down we might be gung-ho for another round of torture-for-fun, I’m afraid most of us will have moved on and all that we will remember when/if the next season starts is that you let us down, worse than let us down, you kicked us in the head.

Yeah, not into masochism so not coming back for more of that.

Going to finish the fanfiction because I love my sister and do not want her to be sad. And then I’m going to look for another ship for us… The Glades might be the one!

Done

I'm done with Murdoch Mysteries!  I have no words!

Countdown

Ok – in a little over 2 hours will finally know if our Julia/Murdoch ship has come in, or if it sank! Getting very nervous! So is Pet (although, that could be because her iPad 2 is on the line! No ship, we sell the iPad and fly to wherever the hell the Murdoch creator guy lives, and apparently camp on his doorstep (a dastardly plan yes, but not mine. All Pet’s idea, I hate camping! I would be ok with simply pulling a ‘Misery’ on the guy). Mom is getting nervous too! Always suspected she was a shipper!


So, I am keeping myself busy by finally writing a bit of blog. 

I really enjoyed last week’s episode of Castle!  The one where they fly to L.A.  So sweet, and so shippy!  And, so hot!  I am sure there was drooling the world over during that scene with Beckett in her bathing suit right?!?   By the way, how the hell does she go for a swim, emerge Bond girl style from the pool, and still have perfect make-up!  Man, I need serious advice from her make-up artist person (or any make-up artist, or maybe cosmetic surgeon).  Especially last week when I was having a girl’s day!  It was a desperate attempt to get my feminine on after a particularly disturbing semi-erotic dream.  No, the erotic part was not disturbing, but rather the fact that, in my dream, I was the man!  It was a nightmare actually!  I did not know what to do with.... um.... stuff.  I was in serious emotional turmoil so I phoned Pet to talk to her about it, and she laughed at me!  Then she turned to her husband and started asking him questions regarding boxers vs. skivvies and “what side do you wear it”!  Yeah, she really did!  Apparently this was all in the name of research and totally for my benefit so I would be better prepared for my next man-mare!  Thanks Pet.

Last week’s Bones was also very good.  And very sad!  Jisslike I cried!  Tears!  I loved how supportive and understanding Booth was!   Brennan’s comment “I assure you, if I knew how to convey how I feel, I would.  It seems to make other people’s lives much easier”.  Seems to make her life harder right?  As long as you remain detached, you save yourself a lot of emotional pain.  I actually started liking Booth again in that episode.  However, the preview for this week’s episode got my heart racing!  The split-second scene of B and B falling into bed together worked like a time travel machine!  I was immediately taken back to pre-Hannah times and immediately, once again, became a full on B/B shipper!  Pet and I called a ‘misery’ meeting to discuss the 30 second preview, and concluded that it is past time we got our act together and started getting our “squee” back on!   Pet also decided that I was to remain spoiler free for that episode!  Um. Pet. Spoiler free.  What?

I don’t know if I can do it, but I will try!  Instead of waking up Friday morning and searching the net for the latest episode reviews, I will remain strong!  I will eat breakfast, pack up my kids and fetch Pet and Bones episode 22, so we can watch it together.  Hey A, think mom will babysit Bex for an hour so you can join us?  Squeeing is optional :D

Phenomenal Woman

For my sisters, my mom, my nieces - actually, for all the phenomenal women in my life.

Happy mothers day!

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Something to put us in a good mood!

I thought we could all do with a good laugh:

Battleships Ahoy!!

Murdoch Mysteries…. Wow.

OK, to start off let me say a big THANK YOU to CC. Seriously dude so far out of the shows we ship (and y’all do realized it’s more than the three we admit to) the last episode of MM knocked my socks right off and lived far beyond any expectations I might have had. 

However… much as I loved the fantasy scene at the end of the last episode, I am filled with overpowering fear that the PTB in charge of all things television are setting us up for a huge smack down. I’m sorry if I sound distrusting, but honestly I used to be a Buffy fan. JW cured me of ever trusting another Producer/Director/Person-who-controls-ships.

And so far I have not found one single PWCS with the balls to give it up. They are all like fanatical virgins, holding on to the mighty hymen of television hookups, cock teasing the hell out of us poor unsuspecting shippers, getting us all hard and hot and then refusing to drop their nickers. Shame on you!!

Which brings me back to William and Julia. I have this sneaky suspicion that our last episode of MM will end with Julia standing at the Alter with Darcy, and Murdoch either putting in a protest, (too little too late) or running to stop the whole thing (because he didn’t run after the train… fuckwit!) and possibly getting there late… something we won’t find out until season 5… if there even is a season 5. (It’s a Canadian show so all my usual sources for finding things like that out are null and void)

I think I might just sell my ipad 2, buy a plane ticket to wherever-the-hell-CC-lives and pitch my tent on his doorstep until he relieves my agony, gets Yannick Bisson and Helen Joy from wherever-the-hell-they-live and gives me my William and Julia SHIP!!!!!

So be warned PTB… this Ship is getting ready for Battle!